After a span of 4 years, I atlast spoke to my dearest friend/sister/guide/teacher.. Too many misunderstandings, ego clashes, fights, cold wars, blah-blah-blah, etc. that marked the end of a really beautiful relationship in my life!!
The realtionship with a person who was the sole cause for me entering AU. Her help during those last 6 months cannot be expressed in words!! It was like she was studying 12th once more for the sake of me.. Even now i remember how she used to guide in areas where i was totally poor.. Esp. those highlighting things.. Even now i remember how she scheduled my learning plans during entrance.. the days we discussed about everything.. something.. and even nothing!! The days she mocked at me.. The days she was teased at by me and my sister!! The days she used to tell stories of her college!! The days i watched her studying.. studying.. studying.. and jus studying!!! This gave me one of the moral supports, inspirations which made me perform better!! It was her guidance which made me set up an aim to outperform her!! Well.. I achieved.. And i decidate most part of wat i achieved to her as much as i owe to my mom, dad, sis and tution masters!!
I'm not still sure if that was the reason behind she stopping conversing properly after my counselling!! Something had really hurt her a lot.. Probably my last request.. which certainly could had been like an dictation to her!! I still search for the reasons for the start of the conflicts!! But i know the reason behind the prolonged (prolonging) cold war!! It's jus my ego.. and partly hers too!!! Too much expectations could also have been a reason behind rifts in that precious relationship!! And finally.. On 19th January 2003.. it came to an end!! An end so soon which i never expected to happen!!
The last 4 years was totally disheartening.. Am not sure if i took those incidents wrongly or they were incidental/concidental!! Something in me stopped me from pursuing further!! Call it ego?? Call it my character?? Call it my perceptions of things?? Am jus tracing it out!!
After getting placed in infosys, i made up my mind to sms her to inform her!! And.. Its a sms and not a call!! That was again my own bad character!! No sooner i sent the message.. I got a reply!! And the very next weekend when i went back home, i happened to see her!! Her facial expression.. with her face slanted by a few degrees.. eyes filled with happiness.. with her eyebrows a bit lifted.. a small smile at the end of her lips.. with she thinking..."en kitta padichcha payyan.. innikki place aahittaan.. i feel happy for him!!" ... [in shorter words.. they call it 'perumidham'in tamil]. i cud sense it!! But.. i gave no expression of sensing them all.. [again bad??!!].. but still i could remember how she reacted that day after seeing me with a job in hand!!!
Well..After these 4 yrs of cold war [as my dad called it yday!!].. I finally went to her and spoke to her!! It was
for congratulating her for she got got the "gold medal" in medical college this yr!! She has proved that she is
still the best in studies!! I still cudnt prove that i can perform without her!! [except my second sem.. the only
sem i studied well to know if can perform well without her help!!]. And.. finally... yday!!
After thinking a lot standing in front of her house.. I jus made up my mind to ring her house's calling bell!! To my surprise it was she who opened the door [usually its her father who opens it]!! She was struck for a second to see me infront of her house after 4 yrs!! Her "Hiiiii....." after a few seconds with a broad smile and same enthusiasm which she had years back, wounded my heart very much by showing me how bad i was/am!! I was totally lost!! I was searching for words to congratulate her.. Atlast i could find some bits and bytes from my garbage (memory) and congratulated her! Her childish "thank youuuuu..." is still lingering in my ears!! She even called me in.. call it my ego again..!! stopped me from entering in!! She was in all smiles on seeing me, which continued to be the same till i left the place after getting her wishes for my new job!! That moment when she was awe struck, filled with all happiness, smiles all over face, with much enthusiasm, and loads of words to speak... That very moment!! I loved it a lot!! Such a precious moment in my life.. as any other big event in life!! Jus like the moment when my sister got the district third rank in her 10th exams!! I would give anything to get that moment back!!
But.. By this.. has the relationship reborn?? Am not sure.. I've made my initiative again!! It's she who should take it further!! Hoping the old phoenix to die and have a rebirth..
P.S.: I would like to thank my close friend "Tiger" for making such a thing possible in life. If not she, I would have never made this crude attempt of going to my old friend's house!! She educated me to think positively and approach things positively.. She made me think right!!! Thanks a lot Tiger!!!
The realtionship with a person who was the sole cause for me entering AU. Her help during those last 6 months cannot be expressed in words!! It was like she was studying 12th once more for the sake of me.. Even now i remember how she used to guide in areas where i was totally poor.. Esp. those highlighting things.. Even now i remember how she scheduled my learning plans during entrance.. the days we discussed about everything.. something.. and even nothing!! The days she mocked at me.. The days she was teased at by me and my sister!! The days she used to tell stories of her college!! The days i watched her studying.. studying.. studying.. and jus studying!!! This gave me one of the moral supports, inspirations which made me perform better!! It was her guidance which made me set up an aim to outperform her!! Well.. I achieved.. And i decidate most part of wat i achieved to her as much as i owe to my mom, dad, sis and tution masters!!
I'm not still sure if that was the reason behind she stopping conversing properly after my counselling!! Something had really hurt her a lot.. Probably my last request.. which certainly could had been like an dictation to her!! I still search for the reasons for the start of the conflicts!! But i know the reason behind the prolonged (prolonging) cold war!! It's jus my ego.. and partly hers too!!! Too much expectations could also have been a reason behind rifts in that precious relationship!! And finally.. On 19th January 2003.. it came to an end!! An end so soon which i never expected to happen!!
The last 4 years was totally disheartening.. Am not sure if i took those incidents wrongly or they were incidental/concidental!! Something in me stopped me from pursuing further!! Call it ego?? Call it my character?? Call it my perceptions of things?? Am jus tracing it out!!
After getting placed in infosys, i made up my mind to sms her to inform her!! And.. Its a sms and not a call!! That was again my own bad character!! No sooner i sent the message.. I got a reply!! And the very next weekend when i went back home, i happened to see her!! Her facial expression.. with her face slanted by a few degrees.. eyes filled with happiness.. with her eyebrows a bit lifted.. a small smile at the end of her lips.. with she thinking..."en kitta padichcha payyan.. innikki place aahittaan.. i feel happy for him!!" ... [in shorter words.. they call it 'perumidham'in tamil]. i cud sense it!! But.. i gave no expression of sensing them all.. [again bad??!!].. but still i could remember how she reacted that day after seeing me with a job in hand!!!
Well..After these 4 yrs of cold war [as my dad called it yday!!].. I finally went to her and spoke to her!! It was
for congratulating her for she got got the "gold medal" in medical college this yr!! She has proved that she is
still the best in studies!! I still cudnt prove that i can perform without her!! [except my second sem.. the only
sem i studied well to know if can perform well without her help!!]. And.. finally... yday!!
After thinking a lot standing in front of her house.. I jus made up my mind to ring her house's calling bell!! To my surprise it was she who opened the door [usually its her father who opens it]!! She was struck for a second to see me infront of her house after 4 yrs!! Her "Hiiiii....." after a few seconds with a broad smile and same enthusiasm which she had years back, wounded my heart very much by showing me how bad i was/am!! I was totally lost!! I was searching for words to congratulate her.. Atlast i could find some bits and bytes from my garbage (memory) and congratulated her! Her childish "thank youuuuu..." is still lingering in my ears!! She even called me in.. call it my ego again..!! stopped me from entering in!! She was in all smiles on seeing me, which continued to be the same till i left the place after getting her wishes for my new job!! That moment when she was awe struck, filled with all happiness, smiles all over face, with much enthusiasm, and loads of words to speak... That very moment!! I loved it a lot!! Such a precious moment in my life.. as any other big event in life!! Jus like the moment when my sister got the district third rank in her 10th exams!! I would give anything to get that moment back!!
But.. By this.. has the relationship reborn?? Am not sure.. I've made my initiative again!! It's she who should take it further!! Hoping the old phoenix to die and have a rebirth..
P.S.: I would like to thank my close friend "Tiger" for making such a thing possible in life. If not she, I would have never made this crude attempt of going to my old friend's house!! She educated me to think positively and approach things positively.. She made me think right!!! Thanks a lot Tiger!!!
