Pessimist

Facing failures since childhood (though am still a child!!), I developed in myself to see things in a pessimistic way. This pessimistic approach helped me to get out of failures easily whenever they happened as I my mind was set to see that situation pretty in advance. For those people around, my pessimistic behavior would have annoyed a lot. And further, unluckily, when things were fruitful at the end, I was treated to be a boaster. Rather I downplayed!! I don't say I am modest and don't celebrate my successes. It's just an aftermath of several failures that I'm just happy that particular event wasn't yet another failure event!! Just happy about something doesn't mean that I have to celebrate it!! :P

It can be called as some sort of premonition or God's grace or ill-luck. The first intuition I have about the possible outcome of an event, say positive, always turns out to be the opposite finally. This happens to me in everyday life. Right from the time when I wake up till I hit the bed again (and ofcourse, even in my dreams too!! :P). I wake up telling myself I should be good today. Never in my past I has happened! :P I wish I work properly everyday instead end up writing such blogs!! :P I wanted to get centum in Maths during my public exams. Ill-luck!! missed it in just one mark!! I knew I had made a mistake in Chemistry paper and wouldn't be getting centum! Ill-luck again!! Only centum in my whole school!! (which my Chemistry teacher herself can't believe it even today!! :() I wanted to end up working with 'my passion. my potential.' Passion was high but potential was low!! :D :D I used to wish, I see someone today. Even though the probability of occurence is 1, my fate, he/she wouldn't turn out that day!! I used to wish I don't see someone at all!! High chances that I wake up in his/her face that day!! Heights!! And.. my US trip. It was planned to happen sometime in July. I never had any hope on the plans to work out properly! Again, I am not being modest!! I just happened and, as I mentioned earlier, I wasn't happy about it for my mind was set to accept the fact that it won't happen in my life. That's the basic reason I couldn't cherish myself going to the US and inform others as well!! (Anyways, even others didn't cherish it :D). I wish some people stay with me lifelong! And :D :D :D as always, it wouldn't happen at all!! :D And so on and on and on..

Series of such (un)fortunate events made me have a negative thought on anything by default so that atleast it turns out to be positive!! I generally don't force myself to have negative thoughts. But am sure that the first thought I get about something fails for sure!! This pessimistic behavior led me to the state what I am now. I better choose to be recluse instead of being with someone and giving my negative opinion about something! I choose not to wish anyone of their endeavors just for the sake that I feel myself to apocalyptic and I feel me wishing someone would bring only failure and not success!! And it has happened quite a lot of times!! I don't remember wishing my sister on her my public exams even [event as old as 3 yrs back!! :D] I felt atleast my near and dear ones [@kilu: appadina?? :P] could understand it! Poor me!! Only my mom understands this fact!! :D :D.

[ And for those.. who feel this is yet another polambal!! Please take pains to look at the heading of this blog!!! I didn't ask you to waste time reading such pessimistic posts! It's you who opted for it, btw!!! :P :D :P :D ]